1.
Hum, America the Beautiful. Encourage others to join in.
2.
Wear a bulky, well used Army fatigue
jacket. Act nervous. Ask other passengers if they know how to turn
a detonator off.
3.
Hit the emergency stop button. Yell, "Nobody move!" and act like
you just lost a contact lens. Do not let
them re-start the elevator until you have found it.
4.
Wear a dark suit and dark glasses. Talk into your sleeve like a secret service
agent. Loudly claim you have spotted the
suspect and go on to physically describe one of the passengers on the
elevator. Verify the sniper is in
position for when the elevator doors open.
5.
Wear a track suit. Jog in place the entire time. If someone asks, tell them you are preparing
for the Stationary Olympics.
6.
Bring in a realistic doll in a baby
carriage. When the elevator doors open,
push the baby carriage out. You stay on
and continue to ride the elevator. This
works well with escalators as well.
7.
Set up a popcorn machine in the back
corner. Sell snacks.
8.
Stand outside the doors with a scale and a clip
board. Weigh people as they get in. Nod concernedly. Shrug your shoulders. Tell them good luck as they get in. This
helps if you have some sort of safety inspector or maintenance type outfit.
9.
Set a portable camping toilet inside the
elevator. Pull down your pants and sit
on it while reading a newspaper. When
the doors open, yell at the people that you would like some privacy.
10.
Flash a badge to all incoming passengers. Claim to be the Elevator Marshall. Proceed to question them about their
destination, business, and if they have anything to declare.
11.
Ask each passenger individually, "You smell
that?"
12.
When the elevator is fully loaded, say to
everyone, "I suppose you're wondering why I called you all here…"
13.
Wear a t-shirt with the words "Professional
Pocket Pool Player" screen printed on it.
Put your hands in your pockets.
Go to town. If someone interrupts
you, explain you are practicing for League night.
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